What is it about the nature of humans that makes it so we always want what we don't have? Why is the grass always greener on the other side? Why is it that relationships can be so exciting when the chase is on, but as soon as the battle's over the excitement ebbs? Why is everyone else's major so exciting and awesome until we join? Who does your BBQ chicken pizza lose some of it's deliciousness when your buddy orders your second favorite - Canadian Bacon? Does having 31 flavors to choose from at DQ really help anyone out? Or does it just make life harder for everyone because now as you eat your bubblegumyum ice cream you have to sit and look at the other 30 flavors your missing out on?
I took a class last semester where a interesting reading assignment was given - it was called: "The tyranny of choice." The basic tenant of the article was this: choices don't actually make us happier - but contribute to our overall stress level and unhappiness. Think about it - if someone just walked up to you and gave you a brand new pen you would be way stoked that you had a new pen, but if they came up to you and told you they would give you your choice of one of three pens - so you choose, but you also sit and think about what your missing out on because you didn't choose the other pens. Dang, why didn't I get the clicky one, or the cool one that could write upside down . . . ?
I think that some of the most blessed people are those who can simply make a choice and then be happy with it - as opposed to those (myself included) who make a choice and then sit and think: "Hmm, maybe I should have done this, or chose that, etc." As William Wadsworth said: "Of all sad words, of tongue or pen; the saddest are these: it might have been."
Could that be why the grass is always greener on the other side? Not because it's actually greener, but because we see it through the tinted lenses of regret. (Wow, that last sentence would have definitely made my 12th grade English teacher proud) I think all too often we allow ourselves to be unhappy with what we have because we spend far too much time looking at what we are missing out on because we chose the way we did.
5 comments:
Very interesting. Choices really feel like a mixed blessing sometimes. Some days I wish that we practiced arranged marriages, and some days I'm so glad we don't. I guess choices are hard because they're paired up with accountability. Given three pens, we don't like the thought of being accountable for a second-rate pen choice. We may prefer to just be offered only one pen, regardless of weather or not it's the best, because then we aren't accountable for a cruddy pen. Without accountability we can't progress (or digress). So if you want to progress in life, you have to be accountable for lots of good things. If you want to stunt your progress, avoid agency.
True words, my friend!
Someone gave a talk in my last ward that was one of those "never-forget-it" talks. It was about making big decisions, and he talked about how many of us suffer from Decidophobia. He used the Paris-Hawaii example similar to your example with the pens. If you won a trip to Paris, you'd really enjoy the vacation, and if you won a trip to Hawaii, you'd also really enjoy the vacation. But if you were given the choice between a trip to Hawaii and a trip to Paris, and chose Hawaii, the whole time you were there you'd be thinking, "This beach sure is nice, but I could be exploring the Louvre right now!" But if you chose Paris you would think, "Wow, the Louvre is awesome, but I could be hanging out on the beach in the sun right now..."
He challenged us to make our decisions and to not look back; to live life without regret. It's hard! But one nice thing about being a member of the Church is knowing that you can have the Spirit's stamp of approval on many of your decisions. And on the other ones, well, you have to make a conscious choice (there it is again) to make your best decision and refuse to regret it.
Are you an English Major or are you into philosophy? I should probably explain who I am to you. You don't know me, but my eldest sister knows your sister-in-law. If you have more than one I don't know which one it is.They think that we would click, so suggested I checkout your blog. It's an awesome blog,by the way. If you want to maybe chat let me know via a reply comment on your blog, I'll keep checking it out.
Camille - I am not sure that you have the right person, although I am happy that you enjoy my blog. I don't have any sister-in-laws. But, I do have many aunts . . . Anyway, I am all about making new friends. If you want you can email me directly at scottbartholomew@byu.edu
I'll tell Ms. B. to check it out!
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