I have an interesting question running around in my brain. I have heard it said that if you are a guy you generally look for a girl who is like your mother. And if you are a girl you look for a guy like your dad. Now, this makes sense as they (your mother if you are a guy, your dad if you're a girl) are most likely the most important person of the opposite gender in your life before you get married. Is that really a true thing though?
I had an interesting conversation with a friend a few days ago who mentioned to me that the guy she's been dating for a long time now just isn't the one for her. We talked for a long time and when it finally came down to it - there were just some little things that he couldn't do for her that she needed. She really wanted someone who would bring her flowers on her birthday (she had even told him this) but, he cooked her a nice dinner instead. She wanted someone who would tell her she looked beautiful all the time - that's just not his style. Not that he was a bad person or anything, he just wasn't what she needed. As I talked to her it finally came out - she wanted those things because she had seen her dad do those things for her mom. As she had grown up and thought about the man she would marry she had already placed certain qualities on him - and most of these had come from her dad and mom's relationship. Interesting.
Another case in point - I have another friend. This particular person dated someone for a long time - long enough to get engaged/married for sure. They broke up multiple times, got back together, etc. Why didn't it work out in the end? Well the person he was dating could never feel good about them getting married - and one reason was that he didn't have certain qualities that she had seen in her dad and brothers. Not that he was a bad person, or her expectations were too high, because I don't think either one of those is true - he just wasn't what she had seen herself marrying. Hmm.... interesting.
So...this makes me think. Maybe there was something to arranged marriages. I mean if my mom has the qualities I am looking for in a potential wife - who better to find her for me than my dad (who is married to my mom and found those same qualities) and my mom (who would be able to relate extremely well to this girl who would be just like her)?
Just some food for thought.
3 comments:
Then there are those who look at their parent (dad in my case) and see a perfect example of what is NOT wanted in a spouse. Just a testament that agency works on both sides of the line...
Good thing is that those bad examples can be used for the good. For me it opened up my eyes, and let me see people for who they are without expectation. I realized that all those things (flowers, chocolates, etc etc etc) really don't mean as much in the long run. Most anyone can buy stuff, or say flattering words... what matters more is the character of the individual, and how they treat others regardless of how they are treated.
I agree with the previous comment. I did not marry someone like my dad either. But it turns out, Kevin is a combination of both my brothers and my mom's new husband. So how does that work out? It's not like I dated guys and thought I was dating my brothers. That would be weird. But I guess if you like your brothers, or dad, etc. then you'd obviously be drawn to those types of personalities. But maybe it's all coincidence....?
Maybe some people are not drawn to change either. It's easier to be with people or dates or boyfriends that have the same characteristics of men you've lived with all your life than to try and understand someone so different than you've ever experienced. Maybe it feels more natural ya know? I think I'd like a bit of both :)
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